Bereft

When the demise of Gourmet Magazine came to be I was defensively glib.

It's not what it used to be. I can live with one less magazine. Everything comes to an end.

As Christmas approaches I am missing something. My December issue of Gourmet Magazine. And I am mad! Why December? Couldn't they have pressed on, like all of us do, through December? Do they not know the wiping of slates and fresh starts is for January?

I often confuse anger and sadness, so perhaps it is that I am sad, just sad.

In the thirty December issues of Gourmet that came out of storage this morning I remember, relive, think back on my life. It's all right there, in the each Gourmet I have, all months, dating back to 1978.

December 1978, my very first issue of Gourmet arrived. My first subscription, a gift from my loving Mother in law. She also sent nuts and dried fruits, a silver snowflake ornament for her new granddaughter and the beginnings of a lovely collection of Christmas china that grew tremendously over the years. The Gourmets piled up, a whole tree can now be decorated with ornaments from "Gammy". My husband took over the traditions after Mary Jane died, we thought they would just go on and on.

The Gourmets are telling of my very own life. Well worn copies? Entertaining. Chewed corners? Puppy. Stained pages? The bread, we need every year. The entire year of 1994, untouched, I was very sick. November 2006, 7 and 8? Much page turning, Thanksgiving at our Daughter's home, happy times on the phone "talking recipe".

Back to 1978, newborn baby girl sleeping on a quilt on a huge drafting table in the kitchen. I sipped tea from new Christmas china while reading Gourmet and watching our daughter look at her first twinkle lights.

Beginning to write here this morning I really thought I would be expressing sorrow and frustration, letting the world know sometimes life is just not fair! How could it be when an Icon vanishes? But I realize, life is more than fair, it is very, very good. With a grateful heart, I say, Thank you to Gourmet.